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Old 06-19-2012, 07:45 PM   #1



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How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

From our TA Debunked thread, let's share how this is possible?

For myself, one thing that is important is to have set time of the day away at the office, away from the wife and kids. I actually have an office to go - I couldn't do this working from home but I gather everyone is different.

Another thing is to not discuss details of my positions with the wife. In May, at one point my positions were minus $30k. If she knew this would stress her out and that is never good.

MMS
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Old 06-20-2012, 01:45 AM   #2

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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

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Originally Posted by MadMarketScientist »
* * *

Another thing is to not discuss details of my positions with the wife. In May, at one point my positions were minus $30k. If she knew this would stress her out and that is never good.

MMS
You are a wise man not to tell your wife. Sleeping on the couch can be very uncomfortable.
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Old 06-20-2012, 04:37 AM   #3
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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

While I have no family, in relating friends experiences.....
- leave the house - no matter how many times you ask them/tell them the wife and kids think if you are within 1km of the house you are fair game.
- never discuss good or bad days.....just occasionally buy the wife flowers on random days to make her think its all good....or depending on how suspicious she is - you have been bad.
- create a routine - good for both in and out of the house
- unfortunately the consensus is when you run your own business (regardless of what it is) family life is tougher as its really always 24/7
- one of the best comments I have heard from a trader.....when asked at 2am in the morning and he was up answering a broker email -
Angry wife "what are you doing?" his answer was "paying the school fees, medical insurance, mortgage and for your beauty treatments - which one do you wish me to stop paying?"
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Old 06-20-2012, 02:40 PM   #4

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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

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Originally Posted by MadMarketScientist »
....I actually have an office to go - I couldn't do this working from home but I gather everyone is different.

Another thing is to not discuss details of my positions with the wife. In May, at one point my positions were minus $30k. If she knew this would stress her out and that is never good.

MMS
if wife is working and you don't have any kids, home would be more comfortable, besides you wouldn't waste hours on the roads...

totally agree that; you should avoid conversations like:
wife:how was work today?
you:everything is great, this month I made 10k so far
wife:do you remember the diamond ring I showed you?
you:no
...then you feel the frying pan on your head...
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Old 06-20-2012, 04:26 PM   #5
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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

yep guys, that’s sage advice about having an office away from home.

:!: Just as important is learning to make distinct clicks between ‘trader’ and ‘dad’ ie learning to really leave the family stuff at home and the trading stuff at the office. When I’m successful at that, my trading is completely unaffected by ‘teenagers in trouble’ etc. and also the family has zero impressions of what kind of day I’ve had…

With those boundaries, discussing positions, etc. is definitely a no no. It didn’t take me long to realize she really doesn’t respect and admire me needing ‘support’ and that any temptations to ‘utilize’ her for that were clear indications that I needed to do some inner work and growing (up)…. really there are plenty of other worthwhile and important things to talk about or do…
Way back when, my wife and I had to come to an agreement to have one ‘annual report’ meeting. For us, that has turned out to be sufficient ‘disclosure’… We dropped it because it is no longer really necessary now…

On a related note - The very hardest thing for me to learn was to keep my mouth shut about her spending… to just keep my dam Amex aneurisms to myself. Most of the time her spending is quite ‘reasonable’ then come these inexplicable ‘binges’ Ultimately, I had to make the choice that the way for me to ‘win’ was to make it insignificant to the bottom line.

btw NOT insignificant to the bottom line is out of state costs for grad school at a private university… These kids just don't get it...we both end up commiserating and doing ‘support’ with and for each other several times a year for that.
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Old 06-20-2012, 07:14 PM   #6

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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

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Originally Posted by zdo »
* * *

btw NOT insignificant to the bottom line is out of state costs for grad school at a private university… These kids just don't get it...we both end up commiserating and doing ‘support’ with and for each other several times a year for that.
Sounds to me your kid gets it fine and has the parents trained well. You might be moanin' and bitchin' but you're still paying for private grad school.

I've heard a similar "complaint" many times from friends with kids in expensive private schools. I just shrug and ask why not just send them to a cheaper school?

Maybe I just don't get it because I worked and borrowed my own way through school. The usual retort I get back is that I don't understand because I don't have kids. Let's just say I avoid gathering with friends who have kids. Dull doesn't begin to describe it.

I know this thread is about "how to be a trader and have a family life," but it seems like it should be "how to be a trader while dealing with the wife and kids." Where is the happy family life of a trader depicted in any of the comments??
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Old 06-20-2012, 07:46 PM   #7

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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

I give anyone who does trade from home, with family around, a lot of credit. I can't deal at all with the distractions. My wife is not allowed to talk to me during the day unless it is a real emergency. She complies which is great.

I actually don't share anything business related with her. I deposit money and it gets spent. She has no idea what we make, what we pay, and has little idea of what we have. She does know what she gets if I die, where we live, and what she drives. She doesn't need to know if I have a good year or a bad year. The way I see it her mind is like that of a shitty trader who gets emotional at all the wrong times. So I don't try to impress her or depress her. All it can ever do is create problems for me.If she were involved in the things I do, then it would be different, but she isn't so I don't need her input to do the things I need to do.

I couldn't be me any other way.
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Old 06-20-2012, 07:55 PM   #8

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Re: How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

The only way one can be a trader and have a family life is being a profitable trader …

don’t even try to dream you can be a loser and have a family life….

Never happened before… it is not going to happened in the future
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