Jump to content

Welcome to the new Traders Laboratory! Please bear with us as we finish the migration over the next few days. If you find any issues, want to leave feedback, get in touch with us, or offer suggestions please post to the Support forum here.

  • Welcome Guests

    Welcome. You are currently viewing the forum as a guest which does not give you access to all the great features at Traders Laboratory such as interacting with members, access to all forums, downloading attachments, and eligibility to win free giveaways. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. Create a FREE Traders Laboratory account here.

MadMarketScientist

How to Be a Trader and Having a Family Life?

Recommended Posts

From our TA Debunked thread, let's share how this is possible?

 

For myself, one thing that is important is to have set time of the day away at the office, away from the wife and kids. I actually have an office to go - I couldn't do this working from home but I gather everyone is different.

 

Another thing is to not discuss details of my positions with the wife. In May, at one point my positions were minus $30k. If she knew this would stress her out and that is never good.

 

MMS

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
* * *

 

Another thing is to not discuss details of my positions with the wife. In May, at one point my positions were minus $30k. If she knew this would stress her out and that is never good.

 

MMS

 

You are a wise man not to tell your wife. Sleeping on the couch can be very uncomfortable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

While I have no family, in relating friends experiences.....

- leave the house - no matter how many times you ask them/tell them the wife and kids think if you are within 1km of the house you are fair game.

- never discuss good or bad days.....just occasionally buy the wife flowers on random days to make her think its all good....or depending on how suspicious she is - you have been bad.

- create a routine - good for both in and out of the house

- unfortunately the consensus is when you run your own business (regardless of what it is) family life is tougher as its really always 24/7

- one of the best comments I have heard from a trader.....when asked at 2am in the morning and he was up answering a broker email -

Angry wife "what are you doing?" his answer was "paying the school fees, medical insurance, mortgage and for your beauty treatments - which one do you wish me to stop paying?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
....I actually have an office to go - I couldn't do this working from home but I gather everyone is different.

 

Another thing is to not discuss details of my positions with the wife. In May, at one point my positions were minus $30k. If she knew this would stress her out and that is never good.

 

MMS

 

if wife is working and you don't have any kids, home would be more comfortable, besides you wouldn't waste hours on the roads...

 

totally agree that; you should avoid conversations like:

wife:how was work today?

you:everything is great, this month I made 10k so far

wife:do you remember the diamond ring I showed you?

you:no

...then you feel the frying pan on your head...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

yep guys, that’s sage advice about having an office away from home.

 

:!: Just as important is learning to make distinct clicks between ‘trader’ and ‘dad’ ie learning to really leave the family stuff at home and the trading stuff at the office. When I’m successful at that, my trading is completely unaffected by ‘teenagers in trouble’ etc. and also the family has zero impressions of what kind of day I’ve had…

 

With those boundaries, discussing positions, etc. is definitely a no no. It didn’t take me long to realize she really doesn’t respect and admire me needing ‘support’ and that any temptations to ‘utilize’ her for that were clear indications that I needed to do some inner work and growing (up)…. really there are plenty of other worthwhile and important things to talk about or do…

Way back when, my wife and I had to come to an agreement to have one ‘annual report’ meeting. For us, that has turned out to be sufficient ‘disclosure’… We dropped it because it is no longer really necessary now…

 

On a related note - The very hardest thing for me to learn was to keep my mouth shut about her spending… to just keep my dam Amex aneurisms to myself. Most of the time her spending is quite ‘reasonable’ then come these inexplicable ‘binges’ Ultimately, I had to make the choice that the way for me to ‘win’ was to make it insignificant to the bottom line.

 

btw NOT insignificant to the bottom line is out of state costs for grad school at a private university… These kids just don't get it...we both end up commiserating and doing ‘support’ with and for each other several times a year for that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
* * *

 

btw NOT insignificant to the bottom line is out of state costs for grad school at a private university… These kids just don't get it...we both end up commiserating and doing ‘support’ with and for each other several times a year for that.

 

Sounds to me your kid gets it fine and has the parents trained well. You might be moanin' and bitchin' but you're still paying for private grad school.

 

I've heard a similar "complaint" many times from friends with kids in expensive private schools. I just shrug and ask why not just send them to a cheaper school?

 

Maybe I just don't get it because I worked and borrowed my own way through school. The usual retort I get back is that I don't understand because I don't have kids. Let's just say I avoid gathering with friends who have kids. Dull doesn't begin to describe it.

 

I know this thread is about "how to be a trader and have a family life," but it seems like it should be "how to be a trader while dealing with the wife and kids." Where is the happy family life of a trader depicted in any of the comments??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I give anyone who does trade from home, with family around, a lot of credit. I can't deal at all with the distractions. My wife is not allowed to talk to me during the day unless it is a real emergency. She complies which is great.

 

I actually don't share anything business related with her. I deposit money and it gets spent. She has no idea what we make, what we pay, and has little idea of what we have. She does know what she gets if I die, where we live, and what she drives. She doesn't need to know if I have a good year or a bad year. The way I see it her mind is like that of a shitty trader who gets emotional at all the wrong times. So I don't try to impress her or depress her. All it can ever do is create problems for me.If she were involved in the things I do, then it would be different, but she isn't so I don't need her input to do the things I need to do.

 

I couldn't be me any other way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The only way one can be a trader and have a family life is being a profitable trader …

 

don’t even try to dream you can be a loser and have a family life….

 

Never happened before… it is not going to happened in the future

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sounds to me your kid gets it fine and has the parents trained well. You might be moanin' and bitchin' but you're still paying for private grad school.

Hell yes she gets it fine! Fortunately this one is genuinely appreciative that she isn't piling up huge debt... college costs are in a bubble these days...

 

I just shrug and ask why not just send them to a cheaper school?

We want the best for our kids. Hopefully this means we could provide not a thing if that was the right thing to do ... her sincere vision takes her on over the top with us... so with this particular kid, it is a privilege.

 

Maybe I just don't get it because I worked and borrowed my own way through school. The usual retort I get back is that I don't understand because I don't have kids. Let's just say I avoid gathering with friends who have kids. Dull doesn't begin to describe it.
Retort: You don't understand because you don't have kids ;)

Yep "Dull" really doesn't begin to describe it! A huge percentage of kids are very painful and hard work - seriously

 

I know this thread is about "how to be a trader and have a family life," but it seems like it should be "how to be a trader while dealing with the wife and kids."

:helloooo:

"how to be a trader and have a family life," does equal "how to be a trader while dealing with the wife and kids." Your not being in full knowing of that makes me think you should be just listening instead of sniping things twds off topic. This topic is about ways to pull off both trading and family successfully... and btw, "successfully" doesn't mean you have to be a great family guy 100% of the time... just be really there for them at the really important times ... hm some of the same virtues that are required for successful trading...

 

Where is the happy family life of a trader depicted in any of the comments??

Few traders have a happy family life. In my own life, I consider my greatest 'trading' accomplishment to be still married to the same girl after all these years. Looking back it seems to me the most important thing was to learn how to make distinct clicks back and forth ...because left to run it's typical course -

family can POISON trading and

trading can POISON family!

 

khamore1 nailed it

The only way one can be a trader and have a family life is being a profitable trader …

 

don’t even try to dream you can be a loser and have a family life….

 

Never happened before… it is not going to happened in the future

I nominate that for Post of the Year. MMS give that boy an Award! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
* * *

 

:helloooo:

"how to be a trader and have a family life," does equal "how to be a trader while dealing with the wife and kids." Your not being in full knowing of that makes me think you should be just listening instead of sniping things twds off topic. This topic is about ways to pull off both trading and family successfully... and btw, "successfully" doesn't mean you have to be a great family guy 100% of the time... just be really there for them at the really important times ... hm some of the same virtues that are required for successful trading...

 

 

Few traders have a happy family life. In my own life, I consider my greatest 'trading' accomplishment to be still married to the same girl after all these years. Looking back it seems to me the most important thing was to learn how to make distinct clicks back and forth ...because left to run it's typical course -

family can POISON trading and

trading can POISON family!

 

khamore1 nailed it

I nominate that for Post of the Year. MMS give that boy an Award! :)

 

You need to shut up about me going off topic because you are MR. OFF TOPIC himself. :D

 

I don't have kids but that doesn't mean I can't see through bullshit complaining about kids. Just like I don't have an Italian sports car but I can see through my friend's bullshit complaining about how much it cost to get it back from the shop.

 

Your response extolling the virtues of your kid proves my point! You like the fact of being able to pay your kid's way through expensive, out of state, private grad school. Stop your bitching and moaning and enjoy it!

 

It's similar to my friend who LOVES the fact he can afford the maintenance costs of his baby. The last time we were out for a drive I told him to swing by Costco so I could pick up some stuff. It was a joke because I knew there was no way in hell he would risk the shopping carts.

 

Congrats on having a great kid.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quote; ZDO

I nominate that for Post of the Year. MMS give that boy an Award

 

A “Boy”? I’m older than your grandpa

 

I have an experience with this subject because I went through five wives

each account I blew up I had to get a new wife...Lol

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote; ZDO

I nominate that for Post of the Year. MMS give that boy an Award

 

A “Boy”? I’m older than your grandpa

 

I have an experience with this subject because I went through five wives

each account I blew up I had to get a new wife...Lol

 

Well, you know what to do if you want to get rid of the next one or if you really like her, then stop trading.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The goal when trading for a living is of course to have a reliable and consistent revenue stream, but that will take time to achieve, and having to bear the daily fluctuations of your income can be tough on the psyche, so be ready for it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Be careful who you blame.   I can tell you one thing for sure.   Effective traders don’t blame others when things start to go wrong.   You can hang onto your tendency to play the victim, or the martyr… but if you want to achieve in trading, you have to be prepared to take responsibility.   People assign reasons to outcomes, whether based on internal or external factors.   When traders face losses, it's common for them to blame bad luck, poor advice, or other external factors, rather than reflecting on their own personal attributes like arrogance, fear, or greed.   This is a challenging lesson to grasp in your trading journey, but one that holds immense value.   This is called attribution theory. Taking responsibility for your actions is the key to improving your trading skills. Pause and ask yourself - What role did I play in my financial decisions?   After all, you were the one who listened to that source, and decided to act on that trade based on the rumour. Attributing results solely to external circumstances is what is known as having an ‘external locus of control’.   It's a concept coined by psychologist Julian Rotter in 1954. A trader with an external locus of control might say, "I made a profit because the markets are currently favourable."   Instead, strive to develop an "internal locus of control" and take ownership of your actions.   Assume that all trading results are within your realm of responsibility and actively seek ways to improve your own behaviour.   This is the fastest route to enhancing your trading abilities. A trader with an internal locus of control might proudly state, "My equity curve is rising because I am a disciplined trader who faithfully follows my trading plan." Author: Louise Bedford Source: https://www.tradinggame.com.au/
    • SELF IMPROVEMENT.   The whole self-help industry began when Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936. Then came other classics like Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins toward the end of the century.   Today, teaching people how to improve themselves is a business. A pure ruthless business where some people sell utter bullshit.   There are broke Instagrammers and YouTubers with literally no solid background teaching men how to be attractive to women, how to begin a start-up, how to become successful — most of these guys speaking nothing more than hollow motivational words and cliche stuff. They waste your time. Some of these people who present themselves as hugely successful also give talks and write books.   There are so many books on financial advice, self-improvement, love, etc and some people actually try to read them. They are a waste of time, mostly.   When you start reading a dozen books on finance you realize that they all say the same stuff.   You are not going to live forever in the learning phase. Don't procrastinate by reading bull-shit or the same good knowledge in 10 books. What we ought to do is choose wisely.   Yes. A good book can change your life, given you do what it asks you to do.   All the books I have named up to now are worthy of reading. Tim Ferriss, Simon Sinek, Robert Greene — these guys are worthy of reading. These guys teach what others don't. Their books are unique and actually, come from relevant and successful people.   When Richard Branson writes a book about entrepreneurship, go read it. Every line in that book is said by one of the greatest entrepreneurs of our time.   When a Chinese millionaire( he claims to be) Youtuber who releases a video titled “Why reading books keeps you broke” and a year later another one “My recommendation of books for grand success” you should be wise to tell him to jump from Victoria Falls.   These self-improvement gurus sell you delusions.   They say they have those little tricks that only they know that if you use, everything in your life will be perfect. Those little tricks. We are just “making of a to-do-list before sleeping” away from becoming the next Bill Gates.   There are no little tricks.   There is no success-mantra.   Self-improvement is a trap for 99% of the people. You can't do that unless you are very, very strong.   If you are looking for easy ways, you will only keep wasting your time forgetting that your time on this planet is limited, as alive humans that is.   Also, I feel that people who claim to read like a book a day or promote it are idiots. You retain nothing. When you do read a good book, you read slow, sometimes a whole paragraph, again and again, dwelling on it, trying to internalize its knowledge. You try to understand. You think. It takes time.   It's better to read a good book 10 times than 1000 stupid ones.   So be choosy. Read from the guys who actually know something, not some wannabe ‘influencers’.   Edit: Think And Grow Rich was written as a result of a project assigned to Napoleon Hill by Andrew Carnegie(the 2nd richest man in recent history). He was asked to study the most successful people on the planet and document which characteristics made them great. He did extensive work in studying hundreds of the most successful people of that time. The result was that little book.   Nowadays some people just study Instagram algorithms and think of themselves as a Dale Carnegie or Anthony Robbins. By Nupur Nishant, Quora Profits from free accurate cryptos signals: https://www.predictmag.com/    
    • there is no avoiding loses to be honest, its just how the market is. you win some and hopefully more, but u do lose some. 
    • $CSCO Cisco Systems stock, nice top of range breakout, from Stocks to Watch at https://stockconsultant.com/?CSCOSEPN Septerna stock watch for a bottom breakout, good upside price gap
    • $CSCO Cisco Systems stock, nice top of range breakout, from Stocks to Watch at https://stockconsultant.com/?CSCOSEPN Septerna stock watch for a bottom breakout, good upside price gap
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.