Jump to content

Welcome to the new Traders Laboratory! Please bear with us as we finish the migration over the next few days. If you find any issues, want to leave feedback, get in touch with us, or offer suggestions please post to the Support forum here.

  • Welcome Guests

    Welcome. You are currently viewing the forum as a guest which does not give you access to all the great features at Traders Laboratory such as interacting with members, access to all forums, downloading attachments, and eligibility to win free giveaways. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free. Create a FREE Traders Laboratory account here.

Mysticforex

Joke of The Day!

Recommended Posts

Church Ladies With Typewriters

 

\They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

 

 

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

--------------------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'

--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

--------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..

--------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

--------------------------

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

--------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

--------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles...

 

One day Sid asks Al, "Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?"

 

Al replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."

 

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"

 

The waiter says, "I don't know, Señor, I ask the cook." He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, "No, Señor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."

 

Al isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

 

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with 'Gringos,' replies, "I check once again, Señor."

 

While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.

 

The waiter returns and says, "Señor, the head cook say there is no Mexican Jews."

 

Al asks, "Are you certain? I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews."

 

The exasperated waiter says, "Señor, I ask EVERYONE...

 

All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Look at this ad that just appeared on Facebook!!!!! I've decided on the 458 Italia...do you think if I just showed the dealership the ad, they would go ahead and approve the financing now? I'd hate to have to wait.

 

attachment.php?attachmentid=36977&d=1378300743

Capture.JPG.554f5de7d48227596666ade9a6c72081.JPG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The joys of the self-employed.

 

 

 

The NZ Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to investigate him.

 

NZTO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

 

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Coruba rum and a dozen Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally"..

 

NZTO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

 

Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My most recent prop job interview:

 

Interviewer: What would you say one of your strengths were?

Me: Honesty.

Interviewer: And what would you say one of your weaknesses were?

Me: Honesty.

 

Interviewer: Really? I don't think honesty is a weakness.

 

Me: I don't give a shit what you think.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OILFXPRO

Mongolian VD

 

Whilst in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

 

A week after arriving back home in the States,

he wakes up one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

 

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

 

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says,

“I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US, we know very little about it.”

 

The man looks a little perplexed and says,

“Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”

 

The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

 

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!”

 

The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice.

Go ahead, if you want to, but surgery is your

only option.”

 

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.

 

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims,

“Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”

 

The guy says to the doctor,

“Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”

 

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs.

“Stupid American docttah, always want opawate.

Make more money dat way... No need amputate!”

 

“Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.

 

“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor,

“Wait two week... Fall off by itself!”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OILFXPRO

A real trader ,George Sorros goes to t2w forum and asks why are you all tryingtowin?

They replied we are trading to win.

 

What are you winning ?

 

Unsuspecting gullible new traders who want to try to win.Membership numbers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
A real trader ,George Sorros goes to t2w forum and asks why are you all tryingtowin?

They replied we are trading to win.

 

What are you winning ?

 

Unsuspecting gullible new traders who want to try to win.Membership numbers.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

??? And the punch line is ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OILFXPRO
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

??? And the punch line is ?

 

We blow our accounts in trying to show them how to win , and end up as paid moderators to make up for our losses.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OILFXPRO

Frummer and friend meet in a synagogue , frummer says to his friend “ I can have sex three times a night and still not get tired “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex with the sexiest women three times a night and not get tired “

 

Frummer “I can have sex without paying to the fucking bitch , and I can save money on condoms “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex and the bitches pay me , and they even pay for me plastic “

 

Frummer “ I am a Tottenham supporter , and don’t have to pay“

 

His friend replies “ Their Husbands pay me to go and watch Tottenham , and all the schmocks have to pay for me to watch Tottenham”

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Frummer and friend meet in a synagogue , frummer says to his friend “ I can have sex three times a night and still not get tired “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex with the sexiest women three times a night and not get tired “

 

Frummer “I can have sex without paying to the fucking bitch , and I can save money on condoms “

 

His friend replies “ I can have sex and the bitches pay me , and they even pay for me plastic “

 

Frummer “ I am a Tottenham supporter , and don’t have to pay“

 

His friend replies “ Their Husbands pay me to go and watch Tottenham , and all the schmocks have to pay for me to watch Tottenham”

 

Hi oilfxpro,

Terrible

bobc

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OILFXPRO

 

The day of phhooooroom phooooktards is new movie to replace the day of the jackal .

 

What is this movie about ?

 

 

A bunchof trading genuises that hang around forums , they get get locked in a losing game of blind monkey betting on price movements .They blow their accounts and end up as mods and paid mod following idiots.Then they get promoted as soop mods , blow their accounts and set up other fooooooorooooms.

 

After removing the condom teu wore on their head butt , they see george Soros on their fooooooroom , asking why u idiots hanging around forooms?

 

Man repleth we in lab , tying to remove failure geans from our phooking head

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

 

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

 

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
the MODS will kick you out make no mistake if you continue posting what was here

TW

.

 

I think that was a personal attack. If the Mods had any balls they would ban you from the forum.

 

And I may get banned for saying this, but you are the rudest asshole I have ever come across on a forum.

Edited by tradingwizzard

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest OILFXPRO
I think that was a personal attack. If the Mods had any balls they would ban you from the forum.

 

And I may get banned for saying this, but you are the rudest asshole I have ever come across on a forum.

 

The mod is looking for an excuse to ban me , but this joke is not a valid reason.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Topics

  • Posts

    • Be careful who you blame.   I can tell you one thing for sure.   Effective traders don’t blame others when things start to go wrong.   You can hang onto your tendency to play the victim, or the martyr… but if you want to achieve in trading, you have to be prepared to take responsibility.   People assign reasons to outcomes, whether based on internal or external factors.   When traders face losses, it's common for them to blame bad luck, poor advice, or other external factors, rather than reflecting on their own personal attributes like arrogance, fear, or greed.   This is a challenging lesson to grasp in your trading journey, but one that holds immense value.   This is called attribution theory. Taking responsibility for your actions is the key to improving your trading skills. Pause and ask yourself - What role did I play in my financial decisions?   After all, you were the one who listened to that source, and decided to act on that trade based on the rumour. Attributing results solely to external circumstances is what is known as having an ‘external locus of control’.   It's a concept coined by psychologist Julian Rotter in 1954. A trader with an external locus of control might say, "I made a profit because the markets are currently favourable."   Instead, strive to develop an "internal locus of control" and take ownership of your actions.   Assume that all trading results are within your realm of responsibility and actively seek ways to improve your own behaviour.   This is the fastest route to enhancing your trading abilities. A trader with an internal locus of control might proudly state, "My equity curve is rising because I am a disciplined trader who faithfully follows my trading plan." Author: Louise Bedford Source: https://www.tradinggame.com.au/
    • SELF IMPROVEMENT.   The whole self-help industry began when Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936. Then came other classics like Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins toward the end of the century.   Today, teaching people how to improve themselves is a business. A pure ruthless business where some people sell utter bullshit.   There are broke Instagrammers and YouTubers with literally no solid background teaching men how to be attractive to women, how to begin a start-up, how to become successful — most of these guys speaking nothing more than hollow motivational words and cliche stuff. They waste your time. Some of these people who present themselves as hugely successful also give talks and write books.   There are so many books on financial advice, self-improvement, love, etc and some people actually try to read them. They are a waste of time, mostly.   When you start reading a dozen books on finance you realize that they all say the same stuff.   You are not going to live forever in the learning phase. Don't procrastinate by reading bull-shit or the same good knowledge in 10 books. What we ought to do is choose wisely.   Yes. A good book can change your life, given you do what it asks you to do.   All the books I have named up to now are worthy of reading. Tim Ferriss, Simon Sinek, Robert Greene — these guys are worthy of reading. These guys teach what others don't. Their books are unique and actually, come from relevant and successful people.   When Richard Branson writes a book about entrepreneurship, go read it. Every line in that book is said by one of the greatest entrepreneurs of our time.   When a Chinese millionaire( he claims to be) Youtuber who releases a video titled “Why reading books keeps you broke” and a year later another one “My recommendation of books for grand success” you should be wise to tell him to jump from Victoria Falls.   These self-improvement gurus sell you delusions.   They say they have those little tricks that only they know that if you use, everything in your life will be perfect. Those little tricks. We are just “making of a to-do-list before sleeping” away from becoming the next Bill Gates.   There are no little tricks.   There is no success-mantra.   Self-improvement is a trap for 99% of the people. You can't do that unless you are very, very strong.   If you are looking for easy ways, you will only keep wasting your time forgetting that your time on this planet is limited, as alive humans that is.   Also, I feel that people who claim to read like a book a day or promote it are idiots. You retain nothing. When you do read a good book, you read slow, sometimes a whole paragraph, again and again, dwelling on it, trying to internalize its knowledge. You try to understand. You think. It takes time.   It's better to read a good book 10 times than 1000 stupid ones.   So be choosy. Read from the guys who actually know something, not some wannabe ‘influencers’.   Edit: Think And Grow Rich was written as a result of a project assigned to Napoleon Hill by Andrew Carnegie(the 2nd richest man in recent history). He was asked to study the most successful people on the planet and document which characteristics made them great. He did extensive work in studying hundreds of the most successful people of that time. The result was that little book.   Nowadays some people just study Instagram algorithms and think of themselves as a Dale Carnegie or Anthony Robbins. By Nupur Nishant, Quora Profits from free accurate cryptos signals: https://www.predictmag.com/    
    • there is no avoiding loses to be honest, its just how the market is. you win some and hopefully more, but u do lose some. 
    • $CSCO Cisco Systems stock, nice top of range breakout, from Stocks to Watch at https://stockconsultant.com/?CSCOSEPN Septerna stock watch for a bottom breakout, good upside price gap
    • $CSCO Cisco Systems stock, nice top of range breakout, from Stocks to Watch at https://stockconsultant.com/?CSCOSEPN Septerna stock watch for a bottom breakout, good upside price gap
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.