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Joke of The Day!

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Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.

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99% OF TRADER'S LOSE , THE HUMAN BRAIN IS NOT WIRED FOR TRADING , the human brain is a poor judge of risk , the human s free from stress and protect their account with stress hormones activating with stress responses i.e freezing in the heat of the moment , so he cut his losses on longs when 1 bar threatened his account balance to go lower , in reality he cut his profits.He could not handle it , his emotions made him flee from a winning position , later the price went up 500 % .


So he became a moderator on on various haughty named forums , then he started selling his education of a failed trader , he taught the world how to trade when he himself did not know how to trade profitability,He joined the scammers on elite t2w as a foroom moderatoras a education seller , his name was a fooooooroooooooooooooooooom phooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookturd.

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A football coach of an all Redneck team walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."


The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?"


The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "Four?"


"Four?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.


At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

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heard on TV the other day....


when someone tells you how disappointed they are in something ....tell them it could be worse.

You could have the disappointment of being an egg.






You only get laid once,

You only get smashed once

and the only one who ever sits on your face is your mother.

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A priest is driving down the road when he comes across a pig lying dead in the road. He contacts the police to inform him of his find.


A cocky desk sergeant laughed and said " did you give it its last rites?"


"No", said the priest. " I thought I would inform his next of kin first".

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Dear Sirs,


I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block

3 of the accident report form.

I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident.

You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be



I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone

on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found

that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be

slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I

decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to

the side of the building on the sixth floor.


Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and

loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it

tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11

of the accident report form that I weigh 175 lbs. Due to my surprise at

being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and

forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate

up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the

barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.


This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar

bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only

slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my

right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.


Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to

hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At

approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground

and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the

bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my



As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This

accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations

of my legs and lower body.


Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed

to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and

fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.


I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in

pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence

of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey

back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.


I hope this answers your inquiry.







Seriously now - wishing you well. zdo

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This week I will mainly be sitting in front of the tv, encased up to the neck in plaster.teaching my budgie to type bile and venom on TL (how's he doing?) sucking 3 meals a day through a straw.


Zdo, You may not know this but in this 'cusp' of quantum computing, inserting my name on someone else's accident report can, in a multiple universe situation, cause the fabric of time and space to bend in such a way as to cause it to actually happen to at least one version of me on the other side of the black hole that sits at the edge of our galaxy.


It's unfortunate that this glitch, on this particular occasion, happened to the only version of me that I'im personally.... :confused:


What the hell is that echo?....personally aware of, which means I personally:confused:... damn echo in here... will be forced to sue you for loss of trading time .... where did all those budgies come from? :doh:


However, if it transpires that dozens of mitsubishis have suffered the same fate we (I) will have to (unfortunately) bankrupt you.in a class action ...

Edited by mitsubishi

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