Dear Shy Guy: All the advice given here, reduce your lot size, recognize that losses are a part of trading, develop faith in the probabilities of your system, and ‘just do it’, are all good suggestions.
But what I heard you say was that you are afraid that you might be wrong and that would mean you are stupid and you would feel like a fool.
If you had a way to deal with the internal dialogue telling you that the market might prove that you are stupid, and you would hate feeling that way, any of the above suggestions would work for you – and you never would have started this thread. But until you deal with what is generating the internal dialogue, you will probably struggle with implementing any of this good advice.
Right now, your strategy for dealing with the emotions you feel is to avoid taking a trade. That is a strategy that works – emotionally. If you don’t take a trade, you won’t feel like a fool, and the market can’t give you any evidence that you are stupid. But this strategy doesn’t work if you want to become a successful trader. You have to develop a new strategy for dealing with your internal dialogue and the emotions it generates.
First, talk out loud. Get what you are saying internally out in the open where you can examine it. Writing it down will work too. You may be surprised to find that there is quite a lot you’ve been saying to yourself. You need this information to understand what is happening in your trading. Once you know what you are saying to yourself, ask, “Have I heard those words before?” “Is it my voice I’m hearing or is it someone else’s voice?”
If this dialogue is something you haven’t heard before and it is in your own voice, then most likely it is trading specific and you can deal with it fairly easily. This is the place where we need feedback from you. Tell us what you found out about your dialogue. But in any case, be sure you ask yourself these questions: “Is there something about my strategy that I’m not fully comfortable with?” and “Do I, and the people who depend on me, have realistic expectations about how long it takes to become a successful trader?”
If the dialogue is something you have heard yourself say before, ask, “What is it about trading that triggers this dialogue?” and “Is it true?” Then give us your feedback and we’ll go from there.
If the dialogue is something you have heard before, especially if you have heard it all your life, and it isn’t in your voice, then you have a bigger issue and will need to deal with it before for you can reasonably expect to be a successful trader. If you don’t, it will continue to interfere with your trading in surprisingly negative ways. Although it is certainly possible to deal with this on your own, generally, you can make much faster progress with a little help. Look for a psychologist, someone with a PhD who specializes in brief therapy or cognitive behavioral therapy – there are a few good ones out there. Feel free to interview them before deciding whom to work with.
In the meantime, while we are waiting for your feedback, I want you to know these things:
The market makes fools of us all - we are all wrong on occasion. We were wrong a lot in the beginning; now it's better.
Though smart helps, trading the market is more about persistence than it is about being smart.
Trading is the grandest game out there – but that’s what it is, it’s a game. It isn’t who you are.
Yours,
Dr. FxGirl
01-19-2010, 01:47 PM
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