Want to share your relationship stories?

[rock]

I'm having problems at home with my spouse and I don't even know where to start. I would just like to hear about how trading affects their relationships with other people. Anyone want to discuss their personal life here?

BTW, you might want to make sure other people you know will not be upset to find out about your post...hehe

[MC]

I'm very lucky, my girl understands my passion and let's me ramble on and on about the markets. I do leave the laptop at work occasionally lately because I realize I've been neglecting her too much.

It's a balance I need to find and make more fair but I'm a lucky guy, that's for sure.

It's important to have that support system I think, I've come along way because she's always behind me...she's my better half.

[mister ed]

Rock - I feel like I am intruding, but since you asked. Seek professional relationship counseling. Sometimes you are too close to see what is going on, sometimes it is good to get a perspective from someone who has the expertise to sort through things.

[MC]

Honestly if you haven't read "men are from mars, women are from venus" it's a great read. It's all logic just like the market really is, but sometimes we need to have something spelled out and re-affirmed for us as men, we don't take hints very well.

Women are almost as simple as us guys to figure out but we have to appeal to their emotional side which we often banish to the back of our brains or lack completely ourselves. We want somethin like beer and nascar, they want to be told they look good and that you appreciate them and all they do for you.

Of course I'm not saying they are dumb and you can BS them (not if they are worth keeping), you really need to see their value and let them know about it otherwise they will make your life hell till you do, and if you string it along too long they will NEVER forget it. Women have VERY long memory of bad things you've said or done. They remember the x-mas eve party 8 years ago where you got mad she wanted to dance and said "shut up b!tch I'm watching the game at the bar here". For the record I don't drink, no nascar and I don't call women b!tches that I love.

I've been with my girl for 1.5 years now so it's fairly new but we have had 1 argument and I admitted I was wrong within the hour and we moved on. I feel blessed and I have the perfect woman for me. I dunno what issues you are having exactly but sometimes pride is a issue for us guys as well.

If you want to share more I'll see if I can help you out at all, not that I have any formal education but I think often common sense/street smarts overrides sitting in a class anyhow.

Good luck

[darthtrader]

Thats a tough one. I could completely see how trading could cause some problems in a marriage. I'm really not sure how avoidable this is if your wife isn't really into the idea. I'm 30, would love to get married and have kids but I've pretty much put that on the backburner until I'm a very successful trader. Outside of casual dating/flings, a relationship just takes too much time for me right now. Women don't seem to like volatility in general either, I'm really not sure what the answer is.

[brownsfan019]

Rock is between a rock and a hard place. Sorry, couldn't resist.

In all seriousness Rock, it's hard when your significant other is not behind you. I've been fortunate that through my careers as a broker and now an independent trader, I've had a very supportive person behind me. While not married, for sake of discussion, we are. And for the most part, she's been behind me 100% whether taking a full commission job or leaving that job once I 'made it' to then take on another 100% 'commission' type job. That was not easy for me, but she's been there every step of the way.

I cannot comment on what to do if she's not behind you. You need to talk it out and get it out in the open. If she's not behind you, you'll have to find a middle ground where she supports you (as much as possible) but you stay open with her on your progress.

I think the key here is really laying the proper groundwork and expectations. What I mean is, while we all get into trading to eventually become multi-millionaires, we also know it's a long, tough road to get there. I think you need to set realistic goals and then share these with her. Example - if your goal is to make $100/day, let her know daily if you hit your goal or not. Bring her INTO your new business, NOT push her away. This is essential in my opinion. While she may not be 100% on board, if you show that you are doing your job and meeting your goals, it may help lighten the load. And when you don't hit your goal for the day, talk about that too. I guess in the end, you want her to become a part 'owner' if you will.

[brownsfan019]

One other thought Rock - and probably the obvious one - but if/when you start cranking out regular 'paychecks' from the market, most problems seem to go away...

I know, seems obvious, but there's a few suggestions here:

1) As mentioned above, share with your spouse how each day at work goes. Treat it like a day at the office.

2) In the beginning when you start pulling money OUT, get actual checks mailed to you (I realize wiring is quicker), show your spouse your paycheck and make copies. Start building a paycheck binder.

Once this becomes the norm, you can simply let her know on Fri or Mon how much your wire request was for the previous week or month. But in the beginning, producing actual bank checks is a very positive confirmation for her AND YOU. And if you want to have some real fun - when you hit a big goal, head to the bank and get the CASH. Take it home and see what your efforts have produced. Share with your spouse. You may take the cash back the very next day, but who cares. There is a process here that I believe can work when you BRING YOUR SPOUSE INTO YOUR BUSINESS.

In the end Rock, you need to realize:

She has just as much at risk here as you do.

[MC]

Great ideas Brownsfan. Really like the idea of the physical documentation as well as the fact that she is kind of a "partner" in the business.

Do you think if I get a bill sent for a margin call she might overlook the red text and minus sign? J/K